Notes

Top 10 ways to take care of yourself

1.Keep a diary. Start today. Describe your fears as well as your hopes, the reality of what each day is like, Don’t be afraid to write about the losses, big or small.

2.Stick with your diary. Let yourself record the little victories, go back and review the earlier months and years. Notice the personal, physical, emotional goals and successes you and your loved one have achieved.

3.Create a simple communication network. Think of this as a designated communicator. Choose a friend or relative who will make all the calls and tell all the news when there are calls to make and news to tell, you might want to save the “big successes and wonderful news” sharing for yourself, but you will be worn out if you are constantly on the phone retelling the details of the last days or weeks over and over.

4.Let your friends help you. When someone asks “Can I do anything for you?” give him or her something to do. Let your friend run an errand or stay with your loved one while you take a break and get out on your own.

5.Visit with people you love. You may often have to ask your friends or family to come to your house or keep you company while waiting for your loved one’s treatment to be over. You need to be a whole person who has friends and interests and can think about something besides the responsibilities of caregiving. You shouldn’t have to reinvent your life when your caregiving responsibilities subside.

6.Stay involved in your loved one’s personal life. Be careful that your loved one does not slip from the role of loved one, family member, friend into the role of patient. Don’t let yourselves lose the relationship you had prior to the need for caregiving.

7.Talk about it! There are innumerable fears and anxieties associated with any illness or disease, which can and will tear a person apart. Talk to your friends and your loved one about your feelings. The worst thing you can do is build a wall around yourself to protect others.

8.Keep the romance alive. Couples facing caregiving situations are apt to forget to nurture the relationship that brought them together up till this point. These relationships need just as much, if not more attention, now that one of you is ill, than they did before.

9.Include your loved one in your changes. As time passes we all change in small and big ways. If you find a new friend, discover an interest in a new genre of books or music, find a new recipe or a great place to eat, share these as much as possible with your loved one. Introduce your new friends, have them visit, if your loved one cannot easily leave the house.

10.Spend time reading the new books aloud, listen to the new music together. Keep setting goals. Before you were a caregiver, you set personal goals. Your life did not end because you became a caregiver. When the caregiver duties subside, you should not “Return” to your life, you should continue with your life.

Words Are Not Enough

I was asked for suggestions on how to help seniors preserve control in a hospital setting where all control quickly vanishes. Interesting question I thought. What would make things better? And then I remembered David.

David is a friend of mine who suddenly fell into frightening rabbit’s hole when he was being worked up for cancer. What was supposed to be a routine out patient biopsy triggered a medical crisis that sent him directly to intensive care. Thankfully he clawed his way back out of this nightmare after weeks of doom, gloom, and what seemed like endless setbacks. But he said something to me during one of my visits that gave me a jolt of fear and insight. “I losing track of what is happening,” he said in a medicated monotone. “I am losing my ability to figure things out.”

This disorientation happened to a middle-aged, educated, no-nonsense adult. What happens if you wind up in the hospital at advanced age, wrestling chronic illness, and overwhelmed by the healthcare system? Now what?

It turns out, words are not enough. With so much information coming at hospitalized seniors from all sides and wrapped in medical jargon, seniors quickly get overwhelmed. They need a better way to manage information. Enter the lowly dry erase lapboard. This simple yet elegant white 9”X12” melamine hardboard turns out to be an ideal control preservation tool. Here’s how. Click to read more of this blog.>

American life expectancy hits record high

Cost of Caring for Aging Parents Could be Next Financial Crisis

A survey conducted by AgingCare found that although adult children are often responsible for paying for their aging parent’s care, the large majority of caregivers are vastly unprepared. The survey found:

• 63% of caregivers have no plan as to how they will pay for their parent’s care over the next five years.
• 62% say the cost of caring for a parent has impacted their ability to plan for their own financial future.

“With an estimated 34 million Americans providing care for older family members, the survey’s results indicate a financial crisis in the making,” says Joe Buckheit, Publisher of AgingCare, a website and online forum for family caregivers.

“Medicare only covers long-term care for a short time, and only under strict rules. Medi-gap insurance helps, but does not cover all costs. The burden of paying for long-term care often rests with the family,” Buckheit says. “The caregivers’ lack of planning is impacting their own financial future.”

Long-term care costs are not the only expenses caregivers bear. “Family members responsible for ailing loved ones provide not only hands-on care but often reach into their own pockets to pay for many daily expenses, including groceries, household goods, drugs, medical co-payments and transportation,” says Buckheit. “Americans who are already strapped for cash by the rising price of gas and food are unable to afford these additional expenses.”  The survey found:

• 34% spend $300 or more per month out of their own pocket for caregiving expenses.
• 54%  have sacrificed spending money on themselves to pay for care of their parents.

Work Issues

Making matters worse, caring for aging parents often impacts adult children at their workplace as well. The survey found:

• 43% have had to take time off work due to caregiving responsibilities.
• 48% say they are earning less money at work as a result of caregiving.
• 25% have been fired or had to quit their job as a result of caregiving.

One survey respondent says, “I am unable to earn the income needed to continue caring for both my parents and my own family. I've not only given up my job, but my dreams, for now. It is very lonely and financially difficult. But I have to do what is right.”

Physical and Emotional Toll

Despite potentially making less money and doling out more, more than half of the caregivers surveyed are spending what equates to a full-time work week – 40 hours or more – on caregiving duties– many in addition to their full-time careers outside the home.

• 53% of caregivers provide care 40 or more hours per week.
• 37% provide care more than 80 hours per week.
• 21% say they never get a break from caregiving.
• 36% get a break of 5 hours or less a week.

The survey indicates that today’s caregivers face a triple financial threat: unplanned-for caregiving expenses, less money for their own needs and reduced time in the workplace.

Advance Directives for Health Care and General Power of Attorney

There are two important documents that every adult should have prepared concerning healthcare delivery options and power of attorney before any unforeseen incident occurs. It is too late when the person becomes incapacitated to attempt to have legal documents prepared and executed. Also, HIPAA regulations further restrict obtaining medical information without the proper documentation even for family members.

In October 2006, the Connecticut Legislature revised the laws under the Advance Directives for Healthcare. There are two forms of Advanced Directives; Living Will or Health Care Instructions and Appointment of a Health Care Representative. The sample forms are available on the Attorney Generals website, www.ct.gov/ag . Both Advance Directives requires two witness signatures along with a Notary Public or a Commissioner of the Superior Court signature.

The decisions concerning financial, real estate, etc. matters are covered by the General Power of Attorney and Statutory Short Form of Power of Attorney for a person who is incompetent or unable to act due to an accident, illness, or absence. Sample forms can be seen on the Connecticut Legal Services, Inc. website, www.ctelderlaw.org.

You should give very careful consideration to the person you appoint to any of the above positions e.g. Living Will or General Power of Attorney. You must have the utmost respect for this individual since this person will have broad legal powers under these documents.

Vic is very knowledgeable and a pleasure to work with.
His assistance in addressing
my mother's financial, physical, and emotional well-being has been invaluable.

Laura